Umm I'm too high to move.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
