JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
