Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
