I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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