I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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