Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
