Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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