So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
