A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
