Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
