M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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