i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
