Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
