you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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