I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
