After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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