Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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