You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
