Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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