I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
