sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
