You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
