we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
