I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
