I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
