So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
