i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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