Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
