he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
