Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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