And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
