dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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