we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You ruined the universe
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
