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College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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