My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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