the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
