I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
