my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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