He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
