I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
