I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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