Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
