Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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