Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
