She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
