I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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