he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
