So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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