is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
