God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
