How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
