This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
