If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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