I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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