remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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