how can u be prego again
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
