tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
