So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
