I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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