If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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