this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
