I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize