So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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