my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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