well I can't set my house on fire every night
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
