Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Say something about gay babies.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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