the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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